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Relationship blues? Here are 3 ways to find deeper connection

by | May 7, 2021

You probably faced one of two exciting relationship problems this past year…

1 – You were stuck at home with your partner. Ugh.
2 – You were stuck at home alone. Ugh.

No matter which category you fall into, there’s a way to find deeper connection.

The thing we amazing humans long for most… to be seen, acknowledged, accepted, and loved… is something YOU can create.

Keep reading to learn about 3 ways that will help you get the love you want, the way you want it: 

#1
Do you know what you want?
OMGina! It’s that same question again. But I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with who struggle in their careers or intimate relationships, and this question addresses a core issue.

I believe everyone knows exactly who they are and what they want, but we all get trained out of it as children. You’re told “this is who you should be” or “how you should be.” The problem is when this runs counter to what you truly feel and desire.

Here’s a simple example. Your brother steals your toy, and all you hear from mom or dad is “stop fighting!!” No explanation, no acknowledgement. You’re upset and hurt, and have no understanding or tools to deal with what just happened. But your mind picks up, “stop feeling whatever’s coming up and behave.” Situations like this happen over and over.

 

The deepest wound is that you pick up the message that you’re not worthy of love.
This is the most painful message you’re called to heal in your life.

 

If you don’t heal this, you’ll live a limited life, where you don’t feel supported, seen, or loved!

Even with the best parents, everyone faces this wound, and it stops your expression, confidence, and trust. You learn to manipulate and bury your truth to desperately get connection. Unless you directly address this, you carry this pattern into adulthood and all your relationships, at work and at home.

YOU can change this, with conscious intention, and the results are priceless! Give yourself time and space to build the courage to let your clarity, feelings, and truth rise to the surface. Getting guidance from a trusted advisor, friend, or coach definitely speeds up this process, so you can bring it into your relationships and connect.

#2
Can you ask for what you want?
So once you get that clarity, the thing you need to watch out for is “sneak-a-doodle-doo.” This looks like…

Partner*: Are you okay?
You: Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.

But underneath that, you’re 100% not! In fact, you’re lying!! (This is self-manipulation showing up.) And guess what? That’s a cause set in motion. You’re setting up your “connection” based on a lie. That’s the seed that’s been planted, and unless you put that one in the compost and plant the seed of your truth, you’ll only get more frustration, resentment, and lies.

(*Partner can also be boss, friend, colleague.)

 

If you want honest, deep connection, YOU have to be honest and deep first.

 

This is the scariest part, especially with an intimate partner, but it will create connection and freedom in ways that make your fear “hit the road Jack” over time. (It does take repetition. See the action steps below!)

Caveat: A lot of times people don’t even realize they’re telling “white lies” or they don’t know how not to. If that’s the case for you, drop all judgement. We all have to go through the awkward dance of truth to learn anything! And make sure you continue on to Step 3…

#3
Do you let yourself RECEIVE?
If you’re a hardworking, care-taking, independent “I got this” kinda person, letting yourself receive can stop you dead in your tracks. Foreign language. Deer in headlights. The paradox is that connection is what you desire, but you avoid receiving like the plague because taking care of everyone else was how you kept it together, coped and survived. So receiving feels like a threat to your very existence, like your world will fall apart. Unconsciously, you’ll even push it away, which leads to more feelings of being alone, unseen, and unsupported.

But this can also change!

Creating a new result or experience through repeated action is how you can change deep habitual patterns.

Once is not enough! YOU must commit and do your part.

(Energy medicine and things like auto-suggestion or self-hypnosis also create powerful, fast change. I’ll save this for another post!)

So now, let’s turn this into action!
If you’re home alone, can you give yourself a full day where you practice receiving? Lie on the floor or in your bed and receive support from the surface underneath you. Take simple tasks like drinking water or eating and savor the nourishment. Turn off your phone and tune into you. Schedule a call with a friend or support person, and practice asking for exactly what you need.

If you’re in a relationship, do the task above and take a risk with your partner. Get honest with yourself first about what you need and want, and try speaking your truth. Starting with simple things will open the door to deeper truth and connection.

Let me know how it goes in the Comments, and if you’re stuck feeling overworked and disconnected, do not let a moment go by without jumping on a call with me for my summer retreat Receive, Renew, Re-Create.

I named it that for a reason.

These things take time, but I promise you, your repeated efforts will give back to you in abundance!

With love,
Michelle

What clients are saying…

I’ve gone from feeling scared to share, scared to ask, and scared to own my love of what I do… to feeling more clear and confident than ever about my path. I quit my jobs. I launched my dream business and now have a website, clients, AND I am in love… When I step back and look at what has shifted… my answer would be everything. I was on the fence about money and whether the program would be “worth it,” but I’ve experienced profound change and know 1000000% that doing this work is worth every penny.

– Bryn Hlava, Ayurvedic Advisor & Holistic Healer || Brooklyn, NY

Michelle helped me get clear on how badly I want my dreams and how to get there. I’ve learned to focus and approach my work with an urgency that has taken me from stagnancy to something more vibrant, confident, professional, directed, and aligned with my desires. In the past I would have given up, having bumped into some resistance, and doing this work has shifted that completely. While I understand the worry about spending the money, the investment made me focus and prioritize myself much more than I would have otherwise.

– Patrick Burns, Writer || Missoula, MT

*banner photo by Danai Issaris
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